The Lean Weenie



We are going out of town next week and have to board our dogs, Molly (the big black one) and Lucy (the little brown one). So today we took them to the vet to have their shots updated and to make sure they were healthy as a horse…er, dog.

The first vet technician came in to weigh them. She put Molly on the scale – 56 pounds. She’s not skinny, but she’ll do for a lab. Then she put Lucy on the scale – 18 pounds. Now, Lucy is a chihuahua dauschund mix. She’s supposed to be small and dainty. She’s supposed to fit inside purses and wear cute pink sundresses. She actually weighs what a cocker spaniel should weight and looks more like a pissed off linebacker when we try to dress her up (which we stopped doing about a few years ago when she began to eat the clothing).

The vet tech smiled at Chris and me and stood up saying, “Looks like someone is going to get the Fat Lecture…” I tried to argue – her legs are too short, her head is shrinking, it’s winter weight. Nothin’ doing. She’s a fat weenie dog and she has to lose weight.

The vet was actually nice when she came in. No condescending remarks and I don’t think she roller her eyes at us more than twice. She asked if we had any health concerns with the dogs (other than their glaring weight issues) and I said that, yes, we had noticed several small lumps on Lucy’s back that were sensitive when we poked at them. The vet felt around for a bit and then looked up at me with sympathetic eyes that said, “You dumb, dumb dog owner.”

“Those, my dear,” she said, “are fat pockets.” Great, Katie. How about you make the situation even worse by pointing out the fat on your dog? Chris shot me a look like, “You just HAD to open your mouth…”

In the end, we have to go on diets. Our dogs have a limited calorie intake everyday and we have to put them both on diet dog food. Its a bummer and I know its going to piss Lucy off. She already sits around next to her food bowl if there isn’t any food in it, barking and howling like she’s dying.

This is going to be awesome.



Filed under Lucy, Molly, Random

4 responses to “The Lean Weenie

  1. Pingback: Love, Lumps, and Pessimism « Confessions of a Young Married Couple

  2. Pingback: Death By Diet « Confessions of a Young Married Couple

  3. jackie

    I have to agree with Patches. You crack me up. I’m so glad to have such humor in my family. This is great. I’ll be able to keep up with you guys and see how things are going. Poor Lucy, but wait…she weighed 18 pounds at Christmas. This means she hasn’t gained any weight in the last three months. That’s a good thing. By the way, after grad school the book might not be a bad idea. You could be like Nora Ephron (sp?)

  4. Jess

    LADY! You crack me up! This is HILARIOUS! Maybe you should write a book! I LOVE it! Poor Molly and Lucy! They need to come sweat it out in the heat like Patches PHX! 🙂
    Say hi to them for me!