Irreconcilable Differences

I knew this would happen one day.  I mean, we made it 3 years.  We had a good run.  I suddenly look at this person next to me that is supposed to be my partner, and I wonder how we ever had ANYTHING in common.  I mean, how can you have anything at all in common with a person when one of you thinks dogs should be allowed on furniture and one of you thinks they don’t?  I’m willing to bet that 45% of the couples who site “irreconcilable difference” on their divorce papers meant they had irreconcilable difference as to where animals belong in the house.  

Now, we all know how I feel about my dogs.  I love them like they’re my own children.  But let me tell you a secret.  I will only ever admit this once in my entire life, so pay attention.  

My dogs are not well trained.

There.  I said it.  They aren’t well behaved.  They jump, they bark, they whine, they chew.  They’re just hell raisers.  I love them, but they’re beasts.  Even the little one.  

The reason this is causing irreconcilable differences in my marriage is because I have finally had enough, and I’m drawing the line at dogs on the furniture.  This comes from two different factors.  First, I’m tired of big Molly lounging on my bed like its her own.  She is no fun to share the couch with either – she’s huge, hot, and hairy.  And I’m just tired of having to move around my giant, floppy dog.  Add to this the little one barking to be lifted up on the furniture that she can’t jump up on, and its a nightmare.  Second to that is that as we are preparing for our new house, we are picking out new furniture and the only thing I can think about is two dogs sprawled out on my brand new stuff!  When we went looking this weekend, we actually talked about factoring the dogs into our choice.  Who does that?!?  Who buys expensive furniture based on what fabric choices their dogs prefer???  I can’t handle it anymore.  

I have started keeping my bedroom door shut during the day to keep Molly from camping out on my bed, and I’ve been kicking both dogs off the couch.  I think Chris is about to call PETA on me.  He thinks I’m cruel and mean and overreacting.  Last night as I defended my couch from the dogs, Chris got so fed up he went over and sat in the Dog Chair (its the most disgusting chair ever, but our dogs love it so we gave it to them – see?  We’re sick!).  He cuddled up with both dogs and glared at me, as if I had just told a room of kindergardeners that there was no Santa Claus.  

At that moment I realized:  I’ve changed and I don’t know if my marriage can handle it.  There is a slight chance that Chris might love the dogs more than he loves me, so this change could be it.  It could be the make it or break it point.  I mean, honestly, how do I live with him when he obviously has no problem rolling around in dog hair and half chewed dog bones?  I don’t know if I can.  I don’t know if I can come back from that.  



Filed under Around the House, Lucy, Marriage, Molly

3 responses to “Irreconcilable Differences

  1. Dave

    Get rid of the dogs.


  2. You may want to try something called sticky paws. We used it for the cat as an aversion to clawing the new (yes picked out fabric for cat like behavior as well) couch. It seems a little bit weird but animals learn quick that sticking to the couch is bad. Also, as I’m sure you know, reward them for sleeping on their own bed and not on places they shouldn’t be. Tada. Thanks for the blog.

  3. Jess

    Seriously, you crack me up. I know this is a serious matter, but I am laughing so hard….I almost peed myself………as if I can see these events unraveling and I am a fly on the wall……
    Well, I have no advice, because I am Chris and Steven is you…and luckily the only furniture that Patches gets on is the bed and that is only at night for a few minutes and then she leaves for the sweet, cool tile that is all over our new house! Hallelujah for TILE! 🙂