I have had to get used to a lot of weird, strange things during my pregnancy.  Sleeping on my side, having my ribs kicked from inside me, unusually large ankles…  All these things take some time to adjust to, and for the most part I have adjusted pretty well with time.  But no matter how long I am pregnant or how often I hear them, there are some words used during pregnancy that I will never ever get used to.

Like pllllllacennnnta.  Or embry-o.

But nothing takes the cake more than DILATED.  I hate that word!  DILATED.  Your eyes dilate – not your…you know. Whose idea was it to call it dilating???  It had to be a man.  What woman would willingly describe herself as dilating????  You might as well yell out, “MY VA-JAY-JAY IS OPENING!!!!!” I mean, really.  Come on.  We can’t find a better way to refer to that?

Or, I have an idea.  How about we NOT refer to that?  How about we leave that as one of those unspoken things that we don’t have to talk about?  I will never, ever, in a million years mark the progress of my delivery by dilation.  Ever.  I won’t even allow my doctor to tell me.  I’d like for my doctor to refer to it in temperatures.  I’d like for him to come in and tell me, “You’re getting warmer!”  That makes me think that I’m getting closer to a big prize as opposed to getting closer to shooting a large object out of me.

And now I have to end this post.  I’m grossing myself out.


Filed under pregnancy

6 responses to “Dilated.

  1. i hated all the terminology as well.. and even more how much other people willingly ask you personal information now that you are pregnant.. it as though they feel it is a public pregnancy…

    but once they told me i was ten centimeters d**lated.. and i could pop that kid out.. that was the best news i had heard!

    I love this post it makes me remember how much i loved being pregnant.. but the baby is WAY more fun after….

  2. archiveslives

    Yeah, you’re grossing me out, too.

  3. I hate all the weird pregnancy jargon. Totally grosses me out and people are always asking you about it when you get close to the end. I wish I would have just puked on someone who asked me so no one would ever ask me again!

  4. I am totally freaked out by dilated, too. As well as….should I say it? Errr…ummmm….mucus plug. GAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. This was a great post! I love it when random people ask pregnant women if they have started dilating. Why yes, my vag IS opening up quite nicely, thank you for asking.

  6. The correct term is “cankles.”