Don’t these cookies look delicious?
I made them myself. They are peanut butter oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Here – have a closer look…
(Pay no attention to the blue M&M’s. They are Spiderman M&M’s. Only thing I had.)
They look so yummy, don’t they? They make you want to pour a cold glass of milk and cozy up with a blanket and good book. Funny thing about these cookies though.
THEY TASTE LIKE CRAP. Total crap. Like baked crap. And I just don’t get it.
You know when you go to the beach and you get back in your car with sandy feet and your floor mats get all gritty and nasty? Well, I imagine that if you were to pick up that floor mat and chew a little bit on one of the corners, you’d probably get a similar taste to these cookies. Something tasting like sand and concrete. And feet.
These cookies turned out like all my other baked goods do. They look edible. They smell edible. They feel edible. But when you bite into them – dirt. Pure dirt. They are gritty and dry and these particular cookies have a funky texture to them. I think its the oatmeal.
And I just don’t get it. I follow the recipes perfectly. I measure carefully, preheat my oven, use room temperatured butter. And nothing. I get nothing in return. This is not a new problem for me either. I had this issue in our old apartment. At the time, I blamed it on my oven but now I live in a new house with a new oven and I still get the same old results. I’m starting to think its a user error. But I honestly don’t know what my error is. Any monkey can follow a recipe… right???
I made Chris try one. He kind of chewed it and then smiled painfully and made a “MMMmmm…” noise. I’m sure he meant it to mean, “MMMmmm….Yummy…” but it came out more like, “MMMmmm…I want to throw up.” And I can’t even get mad at him because I had the same reaction.
And its not everything in my kitchen that turns out like this. I can cook pretty good. I’m a Crock Pot Queen. I can bake a hell of a muffin. And chicken breasts fear me. Its just cookies. No cookie has survived my kitchen yet.
OH, COOKIE GODS! WHY HAVE THOU TURNED FROM ME?!?!?