I have been accused of not confessing enough about my marriage on this blog. At first, I thought that was a load of crap. I give more information than anyone would ever want to know about me. But the implication here was that I didn’t tell enough secret stuff – things about my marriage that no one really knows (or probably cares about). Well, we can’t have that! This is a full disclosure website and I’m willing to step up to the plate.
Without further adieu, I give you:
MY TRUE MARRIAGE CONFESSIONS
1. Sometimes when Chris is downstairs, I call him on his cell phone and ask him to bring me food.
2. One time, Chris and I locked ourselves out of our house because we were making out on the back porch and forgot to check that one of us had a key. This was last year.
3. I forged Chris’ name last year when we signed our Living Wills.
4. I secretly love my dog, Lucy, more than Chris.
5. On Saturday mornings when I get up really early, I sometimes kick Chris until he wakes up. And then I act like I was sleeping and ask him to make me breakfast since he’s already awake.
6. We both have a crush on Jennifer Aniston.
7. We’ve had the same nickname for each other for 10 years. Pookey. (Pronounced Pooooookey)
8. Every time Chris has a major milestone event, I give him a lucky coin. He keeps them in a little dish next to our bed.
9. Sometimes I hide in the bathroom when its time to shovel snow.
10. One day we both called in sick to work so that we could stay in our pajamas all day and play Wii.
11. One time I rear-ended Chris’ car at a stop light because I was talking on my cell phone.
12. Since I’ve been pregnant, Chris has done the dishes and cleaned the kitchen every single day. He never complains.
13. When Chris talks to the Bean, he uses the same voice he uses when he plays with our dogs.
14. When Chris stays up later than me, I just lay in bed and wait for him. Sometimes I sit at the top of our stairs and throw things down to where he’s sitting until he comes to bed, like pennies and washcloths and shoes.
15. Every night, Chris throws his spare change in a jar on our kitchen counter. Every morning I take change out of the jar to pay the parking meter and to buy snacks out of the vending machines.
16. When Chris snores (when he’s been drinking), I kick him. When I snore (because I’m preggo), he rubs my face gently until I wake up.
17. I rearrange our Netflicks list so that my movies come up first.
18. I don’t put my parking tickets in our checkbook register until the end of the month so that Chris doesn’t see them. I get a lot of parking tickets.
19. Chris bites his fingernails down to nubs and the noise drives me freaking crazy. He also chews ice loudly and that drives me even more crazy.
20. Chris and I talk on Google Chat all day while we are at work. We send each other messages like, “I just broke my stapler” and “My sandwich is soggy.”
21. I hate going to bookstores with Chris because he just follows me around.
22. I’m a better griller than Chris, but he won’t admit that. But he knows.
23. If we won the lottery, Chris said he would quit his job and become a mechanic. Just because he has never worked on cars before and he wants to learn.
24. Chris has a shot glass collection from all the places we’ve traveled. I hate that collection. I think its trashy. He loves it and built a display case for it to hang in our house. Its hanging in our basement. I think that’s a fair compromise.
25. We still celebrate our dating anniversary every year. April 29.
There. Now you have even more confessions. Never let it be said that I didn’t give the people what they wanted.