My Spirit is Weak

A few weeks ago, I shared about my personal financial crisis.  Ever since then, I have immersed myself in financial advice – Dave Ramsey (which is the program we are actually following), Suze Orman (at the suggestion of a reader of this humble blog), my parents (who are smarter with money than anyone I know – professional or otherwise), the girl at my hair salon (whose suggestion was to spend more to revitalize the economy – somebody needs to give that girl a book deal).

I have spent more time than I care to admit with our checking and savings accounts.  I know my 401k better than I know my gynocologist.  I have spreadsheets and budgets and calculators and sharp pencils.  I make meal plans and am averaging only about $70 at the grocery store every week, which is down from about $150.  And I haven’t seen the inside of Target yet (although I do sometimes sit out in the parking lot and cry).

In short, I’ve been a pillar of strength.

But, I’m cracking.  It started yesterday morning when I ordered curtains for the baby’s room from Target’s website.  I figured it was safer for me to go to Target online than in person.  And besides, the curtains were only $25.  But as I congratulated myself on my bargain shopping, something snapped in my head and I decided to hunt around the website a little more.  Just some harmless cyber window shopping.  Before I knew it, my shopping cart totaled over $150.  It was uncontrollable.  It was a force larger than me.  I couldn’t help it.  My shopping cart was like a mythical force.

Finally, I snapped myself out of it and immediately emptied my cart of everything but my curtains and then I checked myself out and decided to take a walk to calm myself down.  The pressure was too much.  I couldn’t handle it.

How long can I last without shopping?  Without so much as one purchase?  Without the joy of a full shopping cart?  Without the satisfaction of sliding my debt card through the card reader in checkout lines?

I’m cracking under this kind of pressure.  I need a new hobby.  Like knitting or quilting.  Actually, I should really go for a contact sport.  Something like rugby or football.  This problem can’t be solved by crafting.  I need to release this energy.

I need to beat someone up.

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7 Comments

Filed under Around the House, Changes, Money

7 responses to “My Spirit is Weak

  1. Diana

    I haven’t bought clothes in over two years, just a sweater here, maybe a pair of jeans there, (in a span of two years), and lately I’ve been getting these big urges to just shop till I drop on-line, my excuse is I’ll go on websites and look at their sale sections, but no money.

  2. Understandable…totally been there…

  3. AH! The pressures and tortures of online shopping. I spend way more online than I do in real life – I think because I just enter in some numbers and don’t have to pull out the actual cash. It’s like it’s pretend money. And who doesn’t loooove getting boxes on their front porch? They should ban internet shopping. It’s not good for the soul. 😉
    Or the bank account.

  4. Hilary

    I think you should find that taxi cab driver with the blood sport obsession and see if he can’t offer any suggestions . . . just a thought.

  5. K

    First, a confession: I will find something I want to buy and proceed to carry it around Target like I am going to buy it, but then I’ll put it back quickly before I leave. It makes me feel like I actually bought it since I carried it around for so long. I know that sounds weird.

    Second, a question: Did you mean to write “debt card” or did you mean “debit”? If this was an accident, then perhaps you are making progress by associating your debit card with debt, right? Perhaps it was a good old Freudian slip…

  6. Ginny

    Maybe you should hold off on the full contact sports until after the pregnancy? just a thought.

  7. Katie,

    We’re still in the same boat as yall are…I’m not very good at giving advice, so all I can say is just try to hang in there! Think about how it will feel to be debt free except for your house!