This week begins the 27th week of my pregnancy and we all know that the 27th week is the last week of the second trimester. (Full Disclosure: I only know this because I Google’d it about 10 minutes ago…) I can’t believe how fast time has gone – 6 whole months down. But at the same time, I can’t believe how much time is left. Every day seems to go slower and slower, but I’m okay with this because it is giving the Bean time to get big and strong and, man, is he showing off his muscles for me. He is kicking more and ever – and stronger than ever. I picture him rolling around in there yelling, “Hey! Let me out!” But as strong and frequent as those little kicks are, I have to say that they are the greatest feeling I’ve ever felt in my entire life.
In the first few months of my pregnancy, I felt so foreign to myself. I didn’t recognize my body, I was uncertain about this person growing inside me, I was worried about how my relationship with Chris would change, and, equally as important as any of that, I had to say goodbye to my skinny jeans. It was a time of rapid change and for someone who contemplates for weeks before changing her toothpaste brand, it was scary. I didn’t feel good and I didn’t know how to take care of this new me or the person inside of me. But as that first trimester came to a close and as my belly started to actually show proof of the person growing inside me, I started to at least accept what was happening to me. It would take me a few more weeks to embrace it, but I began to understand it more and feel more confident.
As I was adjusting to these changes and abnormalities, Chris was adjusting as well. I think he actually had a harder time than I did. He saw me getting sick, frustrated, tired, and feeling helpless and there was literally nothing he could do about it. It was the first time in our relationship that he hadn’t been able to fix something, and being forced to wait it out was really hard on him. But I think he learned that sometimes, action isn’t what I need. I don’t need him to solve all my problems. Sometimes, I just need him to hold my hand. And that was a huge shift and change in our relationship.
When I started my second trimester, I felt like I had been pregnant my whole life. I had energy again. I knew more about what was going on inside of me and so some of the fear subsided. I still had bouts of doubt and worry, but I felt great. And then the Bean started moving around inside my growing belly and suddenly I couldn’t even remember the first trimester. I’ve spent most of my second trimester laying on my couch with my hands on my belly, waiting for him to move. And he never failed to entertain me. Squealing with delight, I would call for Chris to come every single time. And, bless him, he came every time I called.
Almost more than the Bean moving, seeing Chris through new eyes in my second trimester was the greatest gift I’ve been given. As I grew in my confidence, so did he. I remember one night he came home from work and busted into the kitchen and said to me, “I felt like a Dad today.” He went on to say that nothing particular had happened, it was just a feeling he had driving home. Like he was a Dad. In our ten years together, I have never loved him so much as at that moment. His excitement and enthusiasm has only gotten stronger this trimester. Every morning when he goes to work, he kisses me goodbye and then he whispers into my belly, “Good morning Bean.” And at night when we turn out the light, his hand always finds my belly and he whispers, “Good night Bean.” I’ve always known that Chris loves me more than he loves anything and more than anyone could ever be loved, but seeing him extend that love to a person that he hasn’t even met yet just takes my breath away. As much as my belly has grown in this second trimester, so, too, has our relationship.
The ending of my second trimester marks a really important time for Chris and me. Its is the beginning of our last few months together as a couple before we transition into a family. In my first trimester, this scared me – all this change. The uncertainty of the future and what it would look like, what it would hold for us. But in the past 6 months, I have seen glimpses of our future. I’ve seen that the love Chris and I have for eachother will only grow with the birth of our son and will make us stronger parents.
Thank you to all of you who have shared in these last few months with Chris and I. Your outpouring of love, support, encouragement, and confidence has meant a lot to both of us. I hope you’ll be part of the next few months as we welcome the next little man who has already stolen my heart.