Last August I joined Bally’s Total Fitness in my town. I thought it would be a great way for me to take some yoga and aerobics classes, and I really needed to get in better shape. I specifically chose Bally’s because they were one of the few gyms who offered month-to-month memberships, meaning I could cancel at any time. When I went in to join, the gym representative (for the sake of anonymity we’ll call him “Satan”) told me that the month-to-month special was still running. Because I knew what my dedication level was, I asked about a thousand times, “And you’re sure that I can cancel this membership at any time?” and “Satan” responded about a thousand times, “Of course!
Great! Sign me up!
Jump ahead to the end of September. I have now been to the gym twice. Once on the day I joined and once because I forgot my iPod on the day I joined and I had to go back to get it. Clearly, I was wasting my money and so I called my gym representative and said that I wanted to please cancel my gym membership. This is the point where I was informed that I had signed a 2 year contract and, therefore, was obligated to pay for the next 2 years. I calmly explained to the gentleman that there must be some mistake, as “Satan” had clearly stated my contract was month-to-month and eligible to be canceled at any time.
“No,” the gym representative argued. “You’re in a 2-year contract. No cancellations.”
“Sir,” I said. “I’ve been to the gym twice. I eat Ruffles potato chips for breakfast. I sometimes spend entire weekends without once getting off my couch. I have been known to walk my dog by driving a golf cart next to her while she runs. Do I sound like the kind of person who would sign a 2-year gym membership contract?”
Apparently, that doesn’t matter in the wacko world that is gym memberships, and I have been forced to continue paying my gym membership since August. I tried using my pregnancy to get out of it, but I had to have a note from my doctor saying I was a high risk pregnancy and that exercise could compromise the baby. My doctor wants me to exercise more, so that was out of the question.
I even tried explaining to the gym representative what “Satan” had promised me and assured me. The gym representative said that “Satan” had actually been fired for promising similar things to other clients and he then suggested that I write in to appeal to the Bally Fitness corporate office, which I did immediately. Which they rejected immediately.
Short story, I’m stuck in this membership.
And the only person who is more annoyed than me is Chris. I thought he was going to kill me.
“What would possess you to join a gym?” he demanded.
“I thought I would get healthy and fit,” I argued.
“Are you healthy and fit now?”
Needless to say, it has been a sore spot for several months now.
The baby is due June 3 and Chris has already declared that on June 6 he is dropping me off at the gym until I work off all the money we’ve paid for that stupid membership. And every day he is going to drop me back off there until the 2-year contract is up. I laughed and giggled when he said this and told him he was cute when his veins popped out of his neck like that.
But the closer we get to June 6, the more he is talking about this dropping me off at the gym thing. Last night we were at dinner with my parents and in the middle of a conversation about how excited we all were about the baby coming, Chris turns to me and says, “What you should be excited about is your gym membership. June 6 is right around the corner.”
Now, I’m getting worried. He might, like, be serious. I might have to, like, work out. And I am dreading that possibility almost more than the whole shooting a kid out of me thing…