The Mother of All Mistakes

Yesterday, Chris and I were out to lunch with my parents.  My mom and I were running late because we had been shopping, so we agreed to meet the boys at the restaurant.  When I got there, I walked up to the hostess, who I immediately noticed was about as pregnant as I was.  I smiled really big, pointed to her stomach, and happily announced, “You, too?” as I grinned from ear to ear.

No response.

Well, no response if you don’t count the steam that escaped from her nostrils and ears.  Clearly, this woman was NOT pregnant.  Clearly, I had just committed the mother of all mistakes.  Clearly, my food was going to spit in. That’s what my temperature shot up to 1,000 degrees, my face turned bright red, and I’m pretty sure that if I had been further along, I may have actually gone into labor right there in the sports bar.  Trying desperately to regain my composure, I mumbled something about going to look for my family and I slid away into the crowds of food and people.

I don’t know what in the world possessed me to open my big fat (no pun intended) mouth.  I am always so cautious about making pregnancy comments.  In fact, unless I know the person, I usually just ignore their belly.  Even if they are 9 months pregnant with triplets.  You just never know, and so I err on the side of caution and I don’t say a word.  It must have been because we had spent 3 hours in Babies R Us that morning, where pregnancy is a crown of glory and people wear T-shirts saying things like, “I’d rather be breastfeeding.”  I just had baby on the brain and it oozed out of my mouth, unsolicited.

I didn’t think people actually made mistakes like that.  I mean, I’ve heard the horror stories of humiliation, but I’ve never actually known them to happen to someone.  What about you?  Ever stuck your foot in your mouth and wished you could crawl in a hole somewhere? Tell me about it and make me feel better…



Filed under Marriage

9 responses to “The Mother of All Mistakes

  1. Scott

    OMG I miss you guys so much! I just saw this link on Chris’s Facebook and I am getting such a kick out of reading all this. Anyway I have one unrelated to pregnancy but definately guaranteed to make you feel better about your little slip up. So this summer I was dating a girl much younger than me and we had a lot of fun but after a couple of months it fizzled out and I decided it would be better to just be friends and she agreed. It ended on great terms! Now the entire time we were dating I was getting crap from one of my friends about dating “jailbait” which I ignored because this was a wonderful girl and the friend was just trying to get a rise out of me and obviously just jealous. Well a few days after we split up I got a text message during a very busy day at work from my friend who had not heard of the breakup saying “How’s jailbait doing?” I closed my phone and went about my work quite annoyed and when I had a free second ripped out my phone and shot off a short blunt text of “I dumped jailbait so you don’t have to worry about it anymore!” As I hit send, time froze when I realized that the name at the top of the message was not the rude friend that I intended to text but rather my sweetheart of an ex who was about to be crushed. (p.s. you can’t unsend text messages, believe me I tried). Needless to say I have never been able to fully repair our friendship.

  2. Nope, but you may recall the time it happened to me a few weeks ago. Like you, I didn’t know stuff like that actually HAPPENED. I’m sorry for your slip-up.

  3. Carolyn

    Someone once asked me when my baby was due and I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I thought it was hysterical because I have NEVER seen anyone turn so red as that poor woman. My little one was only 2 weeks old and his older siblings were almost 2 and almost 4. She didn’t see the HUGE stroller next to me…until after the words tumbled out! That poor sweet lady, she was so embarrassed and neither one of us could figure out how to make it better. Thanks for reminding me, it still makes me chuckle.

  4. Gina

    Do you know how many times I have offered my seat on the train and bus to non-pregnant women? Its shameful…but I can’t tell sometimes!!

    I wait for them to give me an evil eye before offering my seat, lol! Then I explain “Well, I don’t know if you were pregnant or not and I didn’t want to offend you…”

  5. Gasp! I can’t believe you were “that girl.” It’s ok, I’m sure it will only take a few months of counseling till the girl feels better… haha. If it makes you feel any better, I made a jackass out of myself in a cab once. My friend and I had been at a bar, so obviously were a little inebriated. The cab driver looked Mexican to me so I started speaking Spanish to him, like an obnoxious drunk would do. He said plain as day “I’m from Peru. I don’t speak Spanish.” Oops.

  6. I asked an Asian student what he did for the 4th of July. Enter foot into mouth. Happy now?

  7. I’ve never accidentally called someone pregnant, but I’ve been on the other end! I was with my boyfriend and his family and we were on vacation about to swim with dolphins. The dolphin trainer came up and asked me how many months along I was. Mortified, I told him I wasn’t pregnant. I could’ve gotten over it if it had stopped there, but the dolphin trainer proceeded to argue with me! He said that someone had told him someone in our group was pregnant, so it had to be me! I told him I wasn’t and he leaned forward and whispered that I needed to tell him if I was, because I couldn’t do all of the different tricks with the dolphin. Finally, my boyfriend cut in and saved the man’s life. It was embarassing, but I got over it. People make honest mistakes. But be glad you didn’t make it worse like he did!!

  8. To this day I vividly remember a second grade field trip (to Sea World, by the way) where our teacher asked one of the parent chaperones when her due date was. She, of course, wasn’t pregnant. As kids we thought it was hilarious, but looking back I’m sure the teacher was mortified!!! Luckily I haven’t made that mistake yet… *knock on wood*

  9. Hilary

    It’s called “pregnancy brain” or “mommy brain” and as far as I’ve heard, you can’t be held responsible for anything you say while pregnant (just think of all the women who threaten to kill/mutilate their husbands while in labor!). Secondly, when I was seven months pregnant, I was talking to our school’s speech pathologist about possible names for the baby (we didn’t find out what we were having). When she asked what names we were considering for girls, I said, “Well, my husband likes really quirky names and I don’t want anything too common like Laura or Jessica,” naming my two cousins who both were named with the most popular girl’s names for the years they were born. Anyway, she got a weird look on her face and said, “Well, I don’t think Jessica is that bad.” Like a total moron, I had forgotten her name was Jessica! Luckily she still talks to me . . .