(For the past year, I have made fun of, nagged, harassed, ranted, and raved about my husband, Chris. He is as much a part of this blog as I am, only I’m the one with the voice. And so today, in response to the overwhelming demand, Chris is taking over the reins. When I asked him to post, I told him he should post about whatever he wanted to post about – being married, being a dad-to-be, how humiliated he was when I blogged about his boxers… The sky was the limit. And, as always, he didn’t disappoint.)
Let’s think about this: getting dragged to a huge outlet mall in Connecticut, complete with 14 baby stores, each of which are full of the same “cute” crap as the last, and zero man stores in sight. Here is my issue, we HAVE to go to these stupid outlet malls for a nice family outing but where the hell are the guys supposed to go?
This weekend I was stuck at this place and let me tell you, if I ever get stuck in a baby store holding up an outfit so that I can have my picture taken again, I just might throw in the towel. I mean really – take away my manhood. I beg you. I couldn’t take it. But where could I go? There was nothing!! It was awful. I did wonder down to the cooking store but I can only stare at pots and pans for so long, and I finished all of the pretzels in the free sample tray and, of course, they wouldn’t re-fill it. After the snack shortage, I looked at the map of the outlet mall and I saw that they had a game room.
“Sweet!” I thought. “Surely they have packman or something.”
But after peeking in the window and only seeing kids under the age of 10, I had a quick daydream of some crazy mom throwing me out and calling me some fruit loop.
Moving on…. I found the “As Seen on TV” store. This place was the highlight of the day. But I had to drag myself out of there so that I didn’t come home with $250 worth of Shamwow’s and a pet claw sander.
As I walked from one crappy store to another there was one constant. All of the men were waiting on little park benches that have been strategically placed out of the way of the huge paths of crazed mom shoppers with their huge strollers. All of these poor souls who have been drug out to the outlets with their kids and wives. Most of them probably didn’t even put up a struggle. They just bit there lip and said “Yes, honey, I’ll go with you.”
WHAT?!?! Why do we put ourselves through this crap!?! This isn’t fun.
What happened to the good ‘ol days of drinking a cold beer on Saturday afternoons and working out in the yard with our shirts off? You know, physical labor. Working. Getting dirty. Using our hands for something other than pushing a stroller around while our wives shop for crap that they don’t need. Why do we put ourselves through all of this? And why does this all of sudden happen when you have a kid? I cannot and will not give into this! I refuse to become one of these men:
Guys: COME ON!! What has happened to you! Stand up for yourself and don’t let your wife put you through this agony! Grow some man parts and say (nicely) “Sweetie, I think I’m gonna stay home this time. But I will keep the Beaner if you don’t want to deal with him while your shopping.” There is nothing wrong with this. Look at those boys in that picture. Those boys USED to be men.
Now, ladies, if you feel we MUST go for some strange reason, could you at least take us to places that can be fun for us, too? I’m all about shopping with you as long as there is some kind of man-store, game room, or anywhere I can get a beer and watch a game.
We don’t need much. I promise.