Drawing the Line

(For the past year, I have made fun of, nagged, harassed, ranted, and raved about my husband, Chris.  He is as much a part of this blog as I am, only I’m the one with the voice.  And so today, in response to the overwhelming demand, Chris is taking over the reins.  When I asked him to post, I told him he should post about whatever he wanted to post about – being married, being a dad-to-be, how humiliated he was when I blogged about his boxers…  The sky was the limit.  And, as always, he didn’t disappoint.)

Let’s think about this:  getting dragged to a huge outlet mall in Connecticut, complete with 14 baby stores, each of which are full of the same “cute” crap as the last, and zero man stores in sight. Here is my issue, we HAVE to go to these stupid outlet malls for a nice family outing but where the hell are the guys supposed to go?

This weekend I was stuck at this place and let me tell you, if I ever get stuck in a baby store holding up an outfit so that I can have my picture taken again, I just might throw in the towel. I mean really – take away my manhood. I beg you.   I couldn’t take it. But where could I go?  There was nothing!!  It was awful.  I did wonder down to the cooking store but I can only stare at pots and pans for so long, and I finished all of the pretzels in the free sample tray and, of course, they wouldn’t re-fill it. After the snack shortage, I looked at the map of the outlet mall and I saw that they had a game room.

“Sweet!” I thought.  “Surely they have packman or something.”

But after peeking in the window and only seeing kids under the age of 10, I had a quick daydream of some crazy mom throwing me out and calling me some fruit loop.

Moving on…. I found the “As Seen on TV” store. This place was the highlight of the day. But I had to drag myself out of there so that I didn’t come home with $250 worth of Shamwow’s and a pet claw sander.

As I walked from one crappy store to another there was one constant.  All of the men were waiting on little park benches that have been strategically placed out of the way of the huge paths of crazed mom shoppers with their huge strollers. All of these poor souls who have been drug out to the outlets with their kids and wives. Most of them probably didn’t even put up a struggle. They just bit there lip and said “Yes, honey, I’ll go with you.”

WHAT?!?! Why do we put ourselves through this crap!?!  This isn’t fun.

What happened to the good ‘ol days of drinking a cold beer on Saturday afternoons and working out in the yard with our shirts off? You know, physical labor.  Working.  Getting dirty.  Using our hands for something other than pushing a stroller around while our wives shop for crap that they don’t need. Why do we put ourselves through all of this? And why does this all of sudden happen when you have a kid? I cannot and will not give into this! I refuse to become one of these men:

photo1

Guys:  COME ON!! What has happened to you! Stand up for yourself and don’t let your wife put you through this agony!  Grow some man parts and say (nicely) “Sweetie, I think I’m gonna stay home this time.  But I will keep the Beaner if you don’t want to deal with him while your shopping.” There is nothing wrong with this. Look at those boys in that picture. Those boys USED to be men.

Now, ladies, if you feel we MUST go for some strange reason, could you at least take us to places that can be fun for us, too?  I’m all about shopping with you as long as there is some kind of man-store, game room, or anywhere I can get a beer and watch a game.

We don’t need much.  I promise.

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16 Comments

Filed under Husbands, pregnancy

16 responses to “Drawing the Line

  1. Totally agree with you Chris.
    My OH adopts this totally glazed look as soon as he enters any type of shop. Even with food shopping I have to ask him about 3 times what type of beans he wants. It’s much easier to leave him at home, that way we’re both happy!

    Hope to hear more from you soon!

  2. tbrown

    lol..i agree with summer’s post…and too think there are more brown boys on the way….
    seriously, did these guys think u really cared that much about the hush puppy store..lol..loved the post

  3. Sarah

    I have to admit, Chris…. this outlet mall excursion was all my fault. When Katie and I went a few weeks ago, she mentioned that she might have to come back for some focused baby shopping… and I encouraged it. I mean come on ! There’s a Children’s Place, Carter’s, OshKosh, and an Old Navy all in the same location! But I only know so well that shopping for baby crap is not your/Jon’s idea of a good time. Tell Katie, that if you’re being a stinker about it, she can call me up. I’d be happy to oooh and ahh over little bitty overalls. : )

    She’s right, Chris. It WAS all her fault… – Katie

  4. wow, that’s harsh… i like to drag my husband wherever I go so we can “spend time together.” From the sounds of it, I better reconsider! I had no idea how horrible it was for you boys 🙂

  5. Great post, Chris. I feel very awkward standing at the store while my ‘friend’ does her shopping. I must prepare myself for worse 😉 Thanks for the post.

  6. Kate

    I’m with you Chris, I hate shopping. I’d rather be playing with power tools than looking at onesies. Westbrook Outlets aren’t that exciting to begin with. Here’s hoping my husband’s into the kid stuff when we spawn because I’m certainly not.

    (a friend of Lori’s)

  7. Ha! I must have missed the big-boy boxer post, but it was a gem!

    Chris, you’re right. In fact, I, myself, enjoy shopping more when I go without my husband.

  8. Colleen

    The ‘Hush Puppies’ sign says it all. Awesome photo!

  9. Love the post, and especially the pictures. Those poor guys. I’d like to say I’ll never do that to my husband, but I’ll bet I will.

  10. Sarah Barker

    Good job Chris!!

    Here’s my comment, Katie. I want to win the prize. 🙂

    Thanks for the comment! Enter TOMORROW for the prize giveaway, silly! – kb

  11. Lori

    Chris, you are a brave, brave man. Thanks for posting!

    And I apparently have the only husband in the world who likes looking at cute baby crap.

  12. Ginny

    Oh — two other thoughts:

    1) Chris: That picture is AWESOME and pathetic all at the same time. I wonder if they knew you were taking a picture to capture the end of their manhood

    2) Kate: The stroller on the left is the Discovery that I liked so much! 🙂

  13. Ginny

    hahaha… I totally and completely agree with you, Chris! Great post — I think you should start a weekly ‘column’ on Kate’s blog. 🙂

  14. Gina

    Awww…Chris…

    Wait till the first birthday…boy are you in for a ride!!

  15. Summer Brown Riccio

    Yup, that’s a Brown for ya……
    (Good one Chris!)