Have I mentioned that I’m huge? That I rival a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon? That I scare small children? Have I mentioned that lately?
In my first trimester, I wanted to be big so badly. Every morning I would wake up and ask Chris if I looked any bigger today. “Not yet,” he’d usually respond, and then I’d get pissed.
In my second trimester, I finally started to show and I loved it. I paraded my belly around like it was a prized possession. When I’d see someone I hadn’t seen in a while, I’d happily announce, “Aren’t I huge?!?”
Now that I am in my third trimester, I’m ready to kill someone. Preferrably the next person who tells me how big I am.
I know people mean well. I know they say it with happiness and joy. But, honestly, why would you tell an obscenely large pregnant lady that she looks huge? Do you think she doesn’t know that already? Its like walking up to a blind person and being all, “Hey! You can’t see!” Most people at least make the effort to be polite when they tell me I’m huge by making the comment, “Its all baby! Good for you!”
What the hell does that mean? Its all baby? No kidding. I’M PREGNANT. What ELSE would it be if it wasn’t a freaking baby? But they use the “all baby” remark as a way to make me feel better. As opposed to saying, “You’re huge! Lovin’ those Girl Scout cookies, huh?” I guess that would be worse. A lot worse. I may actually kill someone over that remark, or at the very least I’d sit on them…while eating Girl Scout cookies. That might make me feel better.
But, for the record, putting the disclaimer of “its all baby” on the end of any kind of statement about a third trimester pregnant lady’s weight does NOT erase the fact that you just called her enormous. I mean, who are you kidding? We all know its not ALL baby. You and I both know that I’m not expecting to give birth to a 30 pound newborn. If you feel that you must comment on my size (and who can blame you – its like having an actual elephant in the room), then I’d go with a nice, “You are glowing!” or “What a sweet belly!”
The next person who tells me I’m huge and that – lucky me – it’s all baby is getting a pencil right in their eye.